I hope you got some other replies. I just logged on for he first time. I really connected with your ments and some of them apply to me. I am closer to Willies situation. My concern is that I have fallen out of love and with nothing physical happening, I don't know, I just think for a lot of guys that physical connection is so important to pump around all the love hormones, that are triggered by other things but without the physical, it just winds down. But I dream of 2 times a week, but connected with the grumpy sulking that I feel after about 2 months. I guess I am just connecting as a male on the things that I connected with in your post. But would I leave, absolutely and I would be gone now, but I just couldnt bear to be away from my kids. Maybe once they get to teens or so but at 2 and 4 I would endure just about anything so I didn't b e a part time, weekend dad. I could find out my wife was having an affair and that wouldn't worry me and I would have one myself except that through life I don't know how to be anything else but honest and I am sure she would find out and leave and she is a really great Mum and so there is no reason she wouldn't get the kids.

You sound like a fantastic Mum and going above and beyond in the wife dept.  My wife doesn't want to have sex for all the reasons you have mentioned and I understand that, which is probably part of the problem because then I don't put heaps of pressure on her. On the odd times we do I am pretty sure she enjoys it and almost always seems to orgasm. About the only times we do is when I go out of my way to make something happen differently, like get the kids to be early and dig out a bottle of red, turn the telly off and start on the couch.

Anyway, enough about me and trying to help you, and I would say don't under estimate just how differently men and women think and operate. Talk to a bloke to try and work out how he might be thinking. We have had counselling of sorts, but it just doesn't seem to have made real difference, between our work (and I have looked after the kids by myself enough times for the day/night to know who has the easiest job) and just surviving, these counsellors can e up with all sorts of great ideas but I just think they don't get it. "find x minutes a day to spend time just the 2 of you......" when I work all day and by the time we get the kids to bed and the wife is so shagged she just wants to go to sleep, like when! So I just hate the idea of going back - and that is probably a bloke thing - find out what is wrong and just fix it - woman - lets talk about it, consider the options, plicate it if possible (sorry that is harsh, but just trying to demonstrate the difference in thinking). I wish I could think differently. And we can be so immature in our thinking and a woman so logical if you stand back and think about it for a minute - but that doesn't solve your problem. To be blunt, a quick fuck and me head is in a different place and a good lovemaking session and it is like the whole world is actually ok afterall.

So to break it down in bloke terms, things to consider for your husband (based partly on my own experience), and probably better ing from another bloke (does he have a mate you can talk to?) is that once single, while sex might be not that hard to get, another relationship that fits is really hard and it doesn't take that long before you really miss the 'love' even if he is getting what he thinks is the most important thing right now. My first marriage was great but was right we split in the end - just pulling in different directions, but then nearing 40, after 18 months or so I went into this one after the intial get what I want sex thing and then finding the really hard search and I think I stopped too soon, was in love, now not sure, lots of other cracks in the relationship that was better in the first.

With 5 kids it is going to cost him heaps and I have seen guys really resent that and depending on his i e he will be hurting big time and until the kids are of age. Sorry to be so harsh but these things he needs to hear. And while he is worked up now, he will miss you and question himself if he has done the right thing guaranteed. I always knew we should have split (after 14 yrs) but man I have spent some time thinking about that one!

In your thinking I would say don't get hung up on the detail of scraping the dishes and stuff, overall I think you need to work out a more balanced plan. To kick him out of the laziness, are their jobs he resents less than others that might be better to push. I do heaps around our place outside, don't mind the dishes thing but still don't do as much, washing Im cool with but then she doesn't seem to mind that but as much as I have tried at times to do the meal thing, I just hate it. Not fair she always does it but much easier to get me to do everything else than that. Also asking is important with that stuff and asking at the right time. Mine doesn't ask, just bottles it up and gets shitty, your get this explosion thrown at you and it just wasn't a big deal for me to do most of the stuff she mentioned. But it is the big picture why she explodes - starting to ramble.

And also, as part of a resolution I think he will need to feel like he is at least getting some of what he is asking for. With 5 kids pared to this house I think you are doing great with frequency, but if at times you can just allow it to happen he will feel satisfied -obviously. I am not a woman and I don't know how hard it is. If any woman wanted a quick fuck anytime, I just don't see that physically that would be a problem, but I accept we are different and I can just reflect this side. With the in mouth thing, I have had one that seem to act like it is chocolate, repeatedly - but I have had more than one that seem to want to take it deep when they think it is ing, constantly swallowing, which brings the bloke on more and I just assumed this was to keep it away from the taste buds as much as possible. I didn't know these well enough to discuss the whys on that. Maybe another Q on here. Anyway, you will work that one out but if you can talk about it, maybe if there is some other thing to try or suggest, at least he will feel like he is 'winning something'.

Not sure what else to say, hope something usefull here and of course I am just one dumb bloke. It has also helped me to think things through and why I came on here in the first place. Im sure you didn't write for others to say he is a bastard and you are great, and while that may be true, you sound like you really want it to work so just tried to explain where maybe his head is at. And pc's are a terrible drain on time and hence why I should go.